In the Portrait of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde wrote: “Children begin with love for parents. Growing up, they begin to judge them. Sometimes they forgive them “. The latter is not easy for everyone. What if we are overwhelmed by “forbidden” feelings: anger, anger, resentment, disappointment – in relation to the closest people? How to get rid of these emotions and whether it is necessary? The opinion of the co -author of the book “awareness and emotions” Sandy Clark.
Describing the emotional luggage that parents convey to the children, the English poet Philip Larkin painted a picture of no less inherited injury. At the same time, the poet emphasized that the parents themselves are often not to blame for
this: yes, they harmed their child in many ways, but only because they themselves were once injured by education.
On the one hand, many of us “gave everything”. Thanks to them, we became what we became, and it is unlikely that we will once be able to repay them a debt and repay the same. On the other hand, many grow up with the feeling that their mother and/or father brought them (and, most likely, parents feel about the same).
It is generally accepted that we can experience only socially approved feelings for the father and mother. Get angry and offended by them unacceptable, such emotions should be suppressed in every possible way. Do not criticize mom and dad, but accept-even if they once acted in relation to us not in the best way and made serious mistakes in education. But the longer we deny our own feelings, even the most unpleasant ones, the more these feelings are strong and overwhelmed.
Psychoanalyst Karl Gustav Jung believed that, no matter how much we tried to suppress unpleasant emotions, they will certainly find the way out. This can manifest itself in our behavior or, in the worst case, in the form of psychosomatic symptoms (for example, skin rash).
The best that we can do for ourselves is to admit that we have the right to experience any feelings. Otherwise, we risk only aggravate the situation. Of course, it is also important what exactly we will do with all these emotions. It is useful to say to yourself: “So, okay, this is what I feel – and that’s why” – and start working with emotions in a constructive way. For example, keep a diary, discuss them with a friend whom we trust, or to pronounce in the framework of therapy.